Getting married second time around. I do, take two!
Whether widowed or divorced, there are plenty of couples getting married for the second time around. Second marriages definitely continue to be a “thing”. So what drives people to get married again? Why are so many couples willing to say, “I Do” (take two)?!
Why do people remarry?
The vast majority of couples enter into their first marriage genuinely in love with their partner and with an honest commitment to each other.
Most couples sincerely believe that they are marrying for the right reasons and promise each other a life-long partnership with faith in an enduring love… otherwise they wouldn’t enter into it, would they?
One theory is that in order to experience a deep love, you have to risk loss. Just because your first marriage did not work out is no reason to believe that a second marriage will go the same way – but if you don’t risk it, you will never know.
Why can it go wrong first time around?
So what goes wrong first time around? Well, for whatever reason, despite their best of intentions people may grow apart over time, relationships break down beyond repair, marriages fail and sadly bereavements occur.
Communication is a skill that comes with practice and is sometimes the stumbling block for a failed first marriage. With introspection and self-evaluation through the experience of bereavement or divorce, older people can come out the other side more self-aware and tuned in to their failings and weaknesses – and more patient and tolerant of the shortcomings of their partner. Fewer rows have got to be a good thing, right?
The wedding ceremony is the goal
With first weddings, rather than the celebration of the union of two lovely people, occasionally the wedding ceremony itself is the goal. The perfect wedding selfie.
Couples can spend vast amounts of money on the appearance of the perfect wedding day with a guest list comprising people they hardly know but feel they should invite.
The social media illusion that your wedding ceremony has to be the “happiest day of your life” is an unrealistically high expectation. No wonder first time wedding couples often feel such elevated levels of stress and post-wedding disappointment!
Second weddings can be just as lovey dovey
Of course there are many, many first marriages with the most beautiful love stories to tell, who get their wedding day vibe just right first time and go on to stay together through thick and thin through a long and happy marriage.
And equally, the second time rounders can be just as romantic and lovely dovey as the most starry-eyed fairy-tale couple!
Second wedding ceremonies appear to be more of an affirmation of the beginning of a life-long partnership witnessed by existing children, close family and friends.
A kind of, “we can’t believe how lucky we are to have this second opportunity” mentality - and as such the marriage starts off with realistic expectations.
Great balance of romance with experience
So, perhaps it’s just that second time rounders balance the romance with the benefit of experience.
Aware of the failures from a previous relationship older couples are also perhaps a little wiser and may try harder at a second marriage. They are no less romantic but may have a better understanding of their emotional needs which results in a meaningful and fulfilling relationship with less neediness.
Don’t knock first love!
Don’t knock first love... and be prepared for when the same love knocks twice! There are many examples of couples who loved and lost in their teens only to find their childhood sweetheart later in life, rekindle the relationship and go on to enjoy the most glorious and loving marriage second time around.
Many of us have had a relationship in which we have been something of a “pleaser”, constantly putting our partner’s wants and desires before our own and sometimes losing our own personality in the process. Older couples have the self-confidence of age, they are comfortable in their own skins, they know who they are and as such are empowered by an honest relationship, less inclined towards narcissism and with a “what you see is what you get” attitude. Love me for who I am!
If at first you don’t succeed, try again!
Some famous second marriages include:
Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy (widow) married Greek billionaire Aristotle Onassis
Meghan Markle (divorcee) married Prince Harry
Josephine (widow) married Napoleon Bonaparte
John Lennon (divorced) married Yoko Ono
Seeing older people so very obviously in love and holding hands during their wedding ceremony has to give even the greatest romantic skeptic an extra special thrill. There is a beautiful truth in the old adage, if at first you don’t succeed, try again!
Photo credits: Jason Rogers Photographer
Biography: Debbie Skyrme is a wedding celebrant (former UK Deputy Superintendent Registrar) who crafts English speaking symbolic wedding ceremonies in southern Spain.
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